There are moments when I feel lost. Lost like in “out of this planet” lost. It’s so unbalancing and so frustrating and it makes me collapse and destroy what I’ve built until a certain point. It’s like I’m cursed to build and destroy by my own hand.
I don’t know how it happens but I find myself in this tremendous vertigo of feelings and emotions… And then everybody says “you’re too sensitive, too emotional”… God!!! It makes me scream “I’m not too emotional!! YOU people don’t feel any more!!! You don’t feel a damn thing any more and your heart just pumps the blood in your system, nothing else!!”
To hell with this, since when I have to be a robot to be considered normal?
If I love, I will show it. If I’m happy, I will show it. If I’m upset, I will show it. If something bothers me, damn sure I will show it. Since when do I have to make a Pandora Box out of my soul? Since when I have to repress my feelings in order to please somebody? That is not my way of dealing with everyday life. Because nothing good comes out of this repression.
Whenever I try to deny the fact that I don’t like certain things or that I’m not happy, I end up exploding, causing a damn tsunami. But again I’m emotional and sensitive. Why won’t you people mind your own feelings and sensitiveness and let me be? Doesn’t it sound appealing?
Is not a post that I want to write, is a therapy session. I don’t blame anybody for my mistakes or for my bad moments. I am very well aware that we all have them. It’s part of our lives. Some opinions are in fact mentioning the fact that we are prone to self-destruction and not to happiness, but we have the wrong impression that is the other way around. The more we will search for happiness, the more we’ll bury ourselves in illusions leading to a not so happy awakening when we’ll finally realise that we are actually not even close to what happiness means.
I’m not sharing this opinion completely. I believe in happiness and I often daydream about it. I have moments when I feed myself with the best memories of my life. I should do it more often, but then again, we are built to make a great big thing out of the bad moments and this is how the self destruction begins.
Another things that ruins us completely is comparison. Comparing our lives with others’ is one of the most dangerous things one can do. There are also certain standards that media or trends have imposed and that everybody tries to follow, and when we can’t reach these fake goals, we feel hopelessly miserable.
We are a herd, a flock of tamed animals. There is no wilderness in us any more. We don’t break rules any more, we just follow.
Bring the beast back I will say! Let us see the raw, primitive look in its eyes!
(wrote having a headache and being concerned how the snack I will wake up at 6.30?!?!?!)
HAPPY EASTER!! (by the way)