You know we always hear these things like “You make your own luck”, “you have to work hard for what you want”, “only you can make your dreams come true”, etc.
Couldn’t agree… less.
I don’t know about you but for average people like me, born in mediocre family, with not too much of support, always raised on a realistic type of thinking, dreams have become… just dreams. I dream of course, but the whole bunch of “realistic” bullshit shoved up my throat while young, is always active.
Just to be clear I am not a pessimistic fellow. And I’ll tell you why.
Firstly, in spite of all my “realistic” background I’ve always lived as an “artist”. Or half an artist. As you wish. I never had a lot to spend but with a few pennies in my pocket I travelled and worked in great places. I’ve been to UK, Greece, Spain almost penniless, summer-jobs mainly – au-pair, waitress, etc.
I loved school. Even so, I never got my bachelor degree because due to financial reasons I never had the chance to study what I loved. I got stuck with Economy instead, useless 3 years of study, that never applied in real life. I failed one of the final exams and I never bother to pass it again. Those 3 years were the beginning of my inner death. I hated the path I was walking and I also had to find a job to support myself.
It was my fault also but when you see no hope around you, you tend to become hopeless as well. At least this happened to me. And no, I am not trying to excuse myself, I am trying to understand also. And for whoever will say “why you didn’t…etc” I’ll just quote “there are a lot of heroes after the war”. What’s done is done I don’t need haters. YOLO :))
And then I tried to become a make-up artist and I struggled to pay the school, but after I had nothing left to buy my materials and to actually start working. So I left to UK with nothing in my pockets. Actually one man gave me 20 pounds to take a coach, that poor I was.
And then I came back an tried to get a normal job. I didn’t earn much as an au-pair so I after a short while I found myself penniless and unemployed again. So I left to Krete, to be a waitress. That was maybe the best period of my life. We were all young, the water was so damn blue and we had a great boss.
The season was over and I had to come back. And back home was raining. I stopped liking “home” for a long time. I barely go home and when I’m there I can’t wait to leave.
After I came back from Krete, 2 weeks later I flew to Dubai. This was 3 years ago. No, I don’t live in luxury, because I chose to work ;), but the weather is lovely. I worked as a waitress 3 months, hostess 1 and a half years and presently I am a real estate coordinator. I did well in 3 years and I am proud of myself.
I love my current job, but all my life, my artistic side was left dissatisfied. When I was young I wanted to be a news anchor or reporter and last year I got my freelance journalist diploma. I earned 10$ recently for an article but that’s about it. I also have a DJ certificate and on my way to get a photography diploma. Lots of diplomas :))
It seems that what I really love to do, doesn’t work with me at all. Or this is what I feel. I was supposed to start some collaborations and all stopped without any notice. And I’m thinking where to start… again. Keep trying they say but…
This “but” sometimes means that life will take you to a different path. I learned not to fight it too much because it always took me to something special. And what’s yours it’s yours no matter how much you try to get away or to get in.
And who knows, maybe I just don’t dream the right dream. Does it mean I’m weak? I often ask myself this. Does it really mean that I can’t fight for what I want or I just believe too much in destiny?