I can’t sleep. Oh man, that sucks.
It sucks because your mind works against you and you become so self aware of so many things. You lay on your back thinking about all the things you could’ve done different and all the wrongs you could’ve done right. You think about all the words that came out differently and what you could’ve said… well… differently.
So many plans and so many things to come. My oldest best’s friends wedding is coming and some of my best friends can’t make it. My other best friend’s dog died and my mind is spinning. I could’ve done better, I could’ve said better.
Yes, I have many best friends, great friends because I can’t separate them as they are all unique and beautiful in their own way. I have 2 other best friends sleeping in the next room. I have a best friend in Paris and best friends that I lost on the way. They are still besties. I have best friends at work. I have the best people wherever I turn and that’s the winning of my night. I have daily, monthly, yearly best friends. Awesome people every day.
I wish I could talk to them all, listen to them all, caress and soothe them all. I wish I could find better ways to express myself and better ways to be there.
I wish I could make up for all the wrong decisions and actions. The way to hell is paved with good intentions. Nothing more true.
The trap of the mind, the disability to take action… killers man… killers. Twisting and turning. I could sleep. Now it’s gone.
And that thing when you can’t be yourself and you can’t express the truth as ugly as it is just because you can’t. But there’s no excuse for not going further. No matter what. Just keep going. Things will be just fine and they will settle at their own pace, at the right time. And when you’ll have the chance you’ll make it right, and you’ll make up for the bad. It will come.
I have places to go, people to see and that’s the beauty of it. And it will be just fine.
I think Morpheus is near. I’ll catch him this time. Good night!