I think I came a long way. I think I also lost a lot of things along the way.
I am a bit hot-headed. I rush into things, I don’t really calculate anything and I can’t say I really learn from my mistakes, but I managed to tame myself in time. Small progress is a progress too. I think I’m really bad at quotes also.
But that’s the beauty of any of us. The small things that define us, that give us personality. Th mix of all our traits. I’m also never happy with, mostly, everything I do. Rarely I’m satisfied 100% with something I do, and sometimes when I’m happy with what I do turns out is shit for others :))) but then again it’s a matter of perspective.
To be honest if it was for me I will never publish anything I write here. I rarely correct what I write and when I do, I change half of what I initially wrote. If it was for me nothing it’s good enough, but strangely, when I read what I’m writing I feel it’s not that bad. I think I need time to process my actions.
I also hate that people can never understand what’s really happening with you. People don’t cut you any slack. It’s like we are judging machines, we don’t know how to give anybody a slice of understanding. I try to put myself in somebody’s shoes, and rarely I’ll go full on criticizing somebody.
What I hate the most is jealousy. It’s the worst when it comes to anything. It’s a waste of time and energy. It’s pure negativity. It’s worse when it comes from close people. From mature people.
I also hate when people act ridiculous, when they mock and mimic like children in kindergarden. I mean you’re a grown up, you must’ve learned by now that you can’t be childishly mean. It doesn’t suit you anymore. You have a life now, you’re a grown up, you have family, you’re reaching a certain level and still you’re bothered with other people’s life. Not to mention that, mostly, the people who are pointing a finger are the ones with a lot of sins of their own.
I mean, why you’re bothered so much. Is life that boring at a certain stage? Highschool was fine, we were excited by the least important gossip, and even back then we would’t believe what was rumored, it was just fun. Now it’s just mean and silly. No, this can’t be a vision of the future.
What I also hate is that people will never understand what’s really going on between two people. They see a picture from the outside and they alter it as they like. Why? What’s your satisfaction in this. You feel less bored? You consider this a topic worth discussing? Sad, sad, sad. Mind your own business, simple as that.
I also don’t understand how people throw to the wolves the people who really give a shit about them. I mean, fuck it, you throw some shade on the people who really cared about your sorry ass. You turn the attention from your incapable self to your friends, putting them in a very bad light as an amusement. For what? To heal your self-esteem? To pretend that other people are bad when you are the one to blame for everything.
You see, karma is around the corner, and nobody escapes. It’s a step away. The weird thing is that people are into BDSM, and they always want more punishment. As you like.
I watched 6 movies in the last 24 hours. One must rightly assume that I’m bored. Haha I am. I am also drained sometimes. I am tired. I always try to give my best but sometimes I fail. Big time. Big time man!
I came a long way and I need to thank some people for making me stronger. For making me see the difference between a small thing and how much I should invest in it, and what’s really important. There are people who are telling you the truth and they also tell you to look in the mirror and see a lion. That’s damn right! Dont’t visualise a sheep, but a lion.
Strong people have their weaknesses but they try to make others feel that everything is under control. And it is, if you look at it without fear.
Anyway, I’m so random today. It’s like a small summary of brain and heart and a small corner of universe.
Am I happy? No matter what, I am. With my flaws, with the things I miss in my life, with the things i wish for and I don’t get, with everything. Am I mean? Rarely. I am more of a preacher. But then again, we have a saying “do what the priest says, not what he does”. I went bonkers with my quotes again :)))))
It’s all love and Friday evening writing shenanigans. Peace!