I wish not all the things that come through my mind will come true. Or I should not wish for certain things. Whenever I want something, sooner or later I’ll get it. There are exceptions of course, but then you can’t always have it all. In a way I can’t really explain what I mean but I’ll try.
It happened many times that an idea got stuck in the back of my head and then one day, out of nowhere it came true. I don’t know why it’s not happening with finding a bag of money or fame but yeah, I’ll take it as it is.
Even though I strongly believe that I have no will and I’m very deceiving when it comes to goals somehow something inside me works towards some things and my whole being doesn’t stop until the target is achieved. The worst part is that it works for bad things too. That’s a mess. Because I wish for things that are not really… right, nor decent, nor with any benefit to my life. But then again you have to live up to your mistakes.
I wish I could be more explicit but it’s not that easy. The most important thing is that it works 90% out of 100%. In the rare occasions when I don’t get what I want I become so spoiled and I just don’t understand that I can’t always get what I want, and that, maybe, I already got enough.
The other bad thing is that, in my head, I start to be manipulative, knowing that most of the times I get what I want. But to be honest sometimes I push it and even if I know that it’s something bad I still want it to happen, and it does just to teach me a lesson. What I thought will be a victory is bitter AF.
My vanity grows bigger too. It’s this feeling of power, of control that makes you blind to the side effects but then AGAIN, my puffy brain doesn’t really acknowledge failure so it keeps on making new weird achievements. I need a professor Xavier to help me concentrat my energy towards other things.
Anyway, I’m half sarcastic and the real point is that sometimes we really don’t know what we wish for and what to do with the things we have. We are so lost or missguided at certain moments in our lives and we don’t really learn anything. But then again, lessons never stop. And everything is there for a reason, obvious or not.
I just wish I could channel my powers towards less selfish and superficial things. I wish I wouldn’t have that wolfish grin spread on my face whenever things go my way. I think I’m looking for the word humble, because my brain gets so infatuated with the deceiving and ephemeral climax of power and skips the reality check.
Somehow I planted in my brain the seed that I’m sort of untouchable and that luck is the best thing I have and even though it seems to be true, I should set some limits until things get… different. There no such thing as continuous blessings without any downhill.
Anyway I wish I could explain this better but I’ll just leave it here. It’s all good as long as things are under control. That’s the key. To know your limits.
Weird post, ha?
It’s all love and late night writing shenanigans. Peace!