Happiness

Cookie: Why does she look so beautiful today? She makes me stare at her.

Fritz: Because today she’s happy. And when she’s happy, everybody can see it.

Cookie: Why can’t she be happy all the time, then?

Fritz (whispering almost to himself): Because she is human…


I’m going through my drafts again and this is the pilot episode of a short series I wanted to write about my cats. My two boys, Cookie and Fritz in their own world, talking about me obviously… Seems fun… cat wisdom.

Cookie got his name after the great Cookie Lyon in Empire and we also thought he was a girl when me and my flatmates first got him. I said he’s a boy but I gave up when my flatmates said he’s not. Not long after he grew the cojones.

Fritz is named afte Fitz in Scandal, the president of the US. I just felt he’s a bit german and I added an “r”. Makes a stronger impact.

One of them is a blessing in the shape of a cat, the other one is the Antichrist. I love them both to death for being so different. Call me cat lady as much as you want but they fill in my days with joy and mostly anger.

Maybe more episodes will pop soon.

It’s all love and cat shenanigans. Peace!

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In them thirties

So, recently I turned 31. Not a biggie. Still single. Still crazy. The road to become a genuine cat lady it’s at its glorious start. I already have 2 babies. See, see! this is the thing. When you call them babies. Just joking. They’re feline friends as far as I’m concerned and I slightly love them. Slightly.

Agonizing. I should stop.

Anyway, I was thinking about this ride from thirty to thirty one. Everybody says OeMGi, thirty is a new step, a different one, a more mature one, bla bla and blu blu. To be honest when I turned thirty I felt Twenty. Gloriously twenty! So, to act accordingly I started being a late adolescent. If in the past I managed to be more grown up, apparently I lost that aptitude when I turned thirty.

I did a lot of freakin shit! That’s what I did. I allowed myself to fall for somebody just like an adolescent, I dramatized, I became the most popular girl in school and so on.

I realized that I have a lot of friends though, and that they genuinely love me. That’s the best thing I realized. And I gave myself a break. This is what I actually did for a year. I had a vacation without guardians. And it felt good, liberating. It felt like I’m brand new.

I travelled a lot. I visited 3 new countries. I reached a total of 13 countries. And counting, hopefully. I baptized my niece, the cutest little angel. I spent more time with people that matter.

I found a cypriot God, in it’s shiniest shape and with the purest of hearts. And I was happy! Oh God I was happy like I haven’t been in ages. For what can possibly be, the only time in my life when I met a person who is all sunshine and candies. I swear to all Gods of Olympus, his presence could heal a terminal disease. A soul with no traces of perversion. He added at least 10 years to my life, in case I won’t destroy it with drugs and rock’n’roll.

I fell for a guy who vanished. Platonically! Unfortunately. Haha yeah I’m nasty. Half Chinese, half Native American. Now how freakin sexy is that?! Yeah I regret it was platonically! Man I was ready to do things for him. But, he just teleported to a different movie. Ninja kind of way.

But my pact with the devil was still on. And the devil takes his tribute. Always. He tormented and haunted me. He left marks on my skin and under it. He took those 10 years from me. Until one day… I exorcized him, only to let him come back later when I thought I was cured. Now I just learn to live with him. He hisses and tries to drown me back in sorrow with foul words. Your force is not with you anymore, Vader! Muhahaha! You are not my daddy anymore.

Yeah, I mentioned in the beginning I’m crazy.

I’ve been to weddings because I like them. I’ve been to two. I love to see hope. I sometimes imagine mine. I will dance a lot and my husband will cry at my speech. That’s it, that’s what I have till now. Ah, and my brother will give me away.

I partied like crazy. Why? Well, a question I hear a lot. First of all because I never got to enjoy myself as I should when I was young. And back then I was the unpopular one, the bullied one. And when I finally got rid of that, I was broke. And after that I was a babysitter. So, see, life’s a bitch.

But yeah, I enjoy myself and the things I like as much as I can, as much as I still have time. So I can be ready to settle. I don’t want to miss things, I don’t want to regret wasted time. So whatever I like to do, I simply do. Not a big deal. I give myself a break from all this shitty boundaries of what and when you can do things. And if I’ll never settle you’ll see me in Vegas 2 times a year. Joking. 3 times. Haha, no, of course I’ll settle. Because I want to have what I never had. A proper family. Dear relatives, before you cast me away, please note I said “proper” family. Ah shit, now you’ll do it for what I just said.

All my life I wanted it, but, as I said before life’s a bitch, and here I am at 31, becoming almost immune to alcohol. Joking, I don’t drink. Haha, not everyday, fortunately. Whenever I had a relationship I thought that’s it. That things will settle, that we can start to build. Probably that’s why none of them worked. Because I started with this thought. And when everything turned to shit I became the opposite. Wolverine. Haha, I wish.

I am not chickening out, I am just skeptic and even though I am really sad to admit it, afraid. I’m afraid man. Of everybody and everything. But I have a stupid bravery and I keep on trying. And man, I swear to God, my hope shines brighter than fireworks on New Year. It’s like I have a gland of hope in my body. I just produce hope and hope and hope and hope. One day I’ll have a hope attack.

Anyway, these are things and thoughts that I sometimes sit on, and even though they seem a bit dark I’m enjoying life as it is. I do, in my own way. But I love myself more, and I’m happy that I still find humanity inside this body.

I developed a lot of mischievous traits in time, it’s true. Life didn’t spare me the metamorphosis of innocent me into being a little douche. Yeah I can be that, too. Unfortunately. Work in progress.

The thing is that I’m well educated and street educated. That’s half good and half bad. Why? Because I’m half boy. Haha gotcha!

Drifting away. I’m tired and it’s late. I have trouble sleeping lately. I thought I passed it, but yet insomnia slowly works its way back.

To close this mental journey through my last couple of months I have to tell you that I let my heart get what she wanted. I went for everything I liked. Only that sometimes I was given half. And now, the beast wants the other half. Hmm, nonsense you’ll say. Not at all, fellow readers, not at all.

My conclusion, now, after a year full of happenings? I’m definitely going to hell as Satan’s wife. Anyway, I like hot weather.

And I have an army of people who love me! All jokes aside! Thank you awesome people for being there. Infinite gratitude.

P.S. I hope you all read this the way I imagined. If not you’ll be confused as heck!

It’s all love and late night writing shenanigans. Peace!

In loving meowmory…

I know that are people who love pets and people who don’t. It’s simple. This post is not about convincing anybody to love pets. This post is about why those who do.

I love pets since childhood. Something about, actually, animals in general, makes my heart warm. It’s such a lovely feeling. And even petting them brings me joy, brings me happiness, it’s a feeling that I can’t explain. It’s like you want to hug them until you squeeze them with love, and you don’t want to let them go. It’s a pure form of happiness, as there are no material benefits from that.

Pets, in time, become part of your day, of your life, of your rutine, of your house. For me, my cats (2 naughty boys) are somehow the joy of coming home. I know, it sounds weird, but I’m single and until I’ll find somebody, they’ll be there when I open the door. I’m not taking this to any extreme, I’m just saying that when I finish work and I reach home and they come to meet me, feels less lonely… feels better than to open the door to… nobody.

I pet them a bit and I talk to them, and I, immediately, disconnect from the rest of my day. To be honest I prefer them to people just because they don’t talk, and because I can give them belly rubs. All these things aside, I am not a crazy cat lady, I just decided 3 years ago to get a cat, and even though I consider myself an irresponsible person, I managed to take good care of them in time.

I always had pets around me, if I think about it better, and even if, not once, I got bit by them, I can’t blame them for anything. They’re animals, they’re not acting responsibly.

I know there are cats or dogs lovers, but I’m both. Or i’m all animals lover. Yeah don’t count snakes as pets, lizards, gators or tarantulas. Let’s keep it casual.

One of my cats sleeps with me at night. Sometimes he sleeps like a person, with his head on the pillow. Sometimes he lets me hug him to sleep (yeah that’s quite difficult for cats) and in the morning he wakes me up by touching my nose with his paw. He is awesome. Yeah, you will never hear an aminal lover calling them “it’.

They say cats don’t really show love, but I disagree. They do in their own way. And there are different types of cats. Some of them are not really interested in humans, except when it’s time for food, and others are cuddly and loving. They just casually come next to you and rub their noses agaisnt you hand, their body against your leg, they lick your hair or just look into your eyes and blink affectionately.

We love them because they are warm souls around us. Because when we’re sad, they make us feel a bit better with their presence or by petting them, or when they do something naughty. We love them because sometimes they seem to understand, only by looking at us, what’s wrong. Something that people most of the times, lack.

We love pets because they’re warm and fuzzy and naughty. They’re love. That’s it. They don’t bother our lives, they add to it. Yeah, of course there are moments when we tend to say the opposite but that’s just human nature. We say the same about kids. And no, I’m not comparing them with kids. It’s a post strictly about pets, even though I can show you people who love their pets more than anything in this world. No that’s not wrong if they keep anything else normal.

There’s only one issue with pets. They leave us… Too soon sometimes… and even though we know that their span of life is not as long as ours we are almost never ready to lose them. They have a place in our hearts, we love them and it’s hard to lose them or to get ready to lose them. We want to take care of them and make their lives better because they make our so. And when they’re gone… it’s just that empty bowl of food next to the fridge and a collar that carries such a beloved name. They always have funny names.

Almost everybody will tell you a story that starts with “I once had a pet..” be it dog, cat, bird, hamster, guinea pig, etc. There’s always a funny story about these pets. Because this is their purpose, to live with us bringing happines and warm memories later on.

Sometimes we look at them and they are so damn cute. They just make you feel like a child. You start being silly around them. You love their paws and cute noses and their furrr. And you know what I like the most? To see the toughest people becoming so gentle and warm around pets and that’s such a great thing to see.

Yes, we are grown ups, but a loss is a loss. And nobody has the right to say that it’s not a real pain when we lose a pet. They become friends in time, they have their role in our lives and now they’re just… gone.

And the worst part is that they can’t tell us what’s wrong, we can’t help them with anything, they are so helpless and sometimes they suffer in silence with us looking at them… helpless.

I’m not writing this because I lost one, even though sometimes dark thoughts make me think about that day. Or maybe I write this for all those I lost. But most of all I write it for those who did lose a friend.

In loving memory of our friend Goofus. A brave little soul.

It’s all love and heartwarming feels. Peace!