We all have our perverted side…
It’s hard to write these days. I can’t focus and I lack excitement, not only for writing but in general. I can’t find anything to entertain me these days.
But you know, we have to keep the vibe, we have to keep on shining because this is how we reach at the end of each day. And, most important, we have to keep it behind closed doors, when there’s nothing and nobody around. Don’t throw that good vibe when you reach home, like an old jacket. If you were in a good mood, maintain it. Be self-sufficient. Don’t depend on external sources, just let the spring within flow. Create a placebo out of your happiness and vibes. Cure yourself.
As I said in the beginning, we all have our dark, perverted side. I was reading about a bulgarian monk, I think, Bogumil, that believed humans were given their soul by God and the body by the Devil, and so, created a continuous battle within.
Our bodies crave and lust while our souls still sparkle innocence. Nobody is completely bad, as we are born with the complete understanding of these two notions: Good and Bad. It’s the alpha and omega seed rooting deep within our souls for as long as universe. We know the difference between these two let’s not dive into philosophy.
And yeah, it feels damn nice sometimes to sin. Mmmm this bitter sweet, adrenalin flavoured smoothie. We do it on purpose, yes, don’t call for circumstances. But as I always say, you have to “Own that shit!”.
You made a mistake? Worry not my earthling. Own it! Take responsibility of what you did and don’t freaking hide behind your gloryhole making excuses. Yeah I said gloryhole. We all have one, because life doesn’t really care who’s behind when in the mood to release. Own that shit! Take it like a mothafoockin pro! There’s a lot more to come and that’s your job behind the wall.
Anyway, the more you run from your mistakes, the more they’ll haunt you! Bohooo you’ll hear in your head and heart like the saddest echo ever. And regret, ah man! Regret is the saddest thing that could happen to a human being, followed closely by self-pity. Snap out if it, it’s unhealthy, it’s distructive! You know how much time I spent with these two in my teenagehood? How much of a wreck have I become in time, loathing in smallness? And you know why? Because I always blamed others for my own mistakes. And sometimes I still do it, only to realize that I’m ashamed of myself after, and I need to fix it.
I became a wall in time. My paint still standing, my structure still strong. Steel skeleton. I can take a lot.
I’m deviating. I was talking about the dark side. Again, you have to admit that you have one. The easiest way to heal is to admit that you have the disease, or whatever the hell was the saying. Anyway don’t come to me saying you’re all saint. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Don’t pretend you don’t know your weaknesses or hidden intentions. Don’t pretend your sins are smaller than others’.
A real person will know who you are behind all your flaws. We should stop building this picture perfect selves and start being human. We live in the era of the greatest pretending of all times. We have this technology that allows us to fake every fookin thing mate! (yeah I like McGregor). We are fake and when we meet face to face our true colours show. Boom! we are not at all peachy and fuzzy, we are walking experiments of fuckery, and yet we are the greatest of all species.
Why would you like to be somebody else, pleasing people that you don’t like. Why would you be a fake ass in a world that’s already superficial as hell. And I’m not sure hell it’s superficial. It might be the realest thing ever happening to some of us and the loudest and latest wake up call for our fake asses.
” Here, let me bake ya fake arsholes, ya ungrateful c##ts.”
We all are at some point. Mean and sad little people snapping out of nowhere, spitting venom without any damn reason. We are all low at some point, but we have to stand up gracefully. Own it! How many times did I say this?!? Sorry my syndromes are kicking in.
I am raw lately and you know why, because I was hiding for so long in my shell and the worst part is that I was trying to please all the wrong people.
You know, nowdays, if I do something for you, I don’t expect anything in return. Yeah, if I am nice to any of you crossing my path daily, just know I’m nice because I want too. I am not making exceptions for anybody anymore. And if I give any of you more than the norm of chances, don’t think you’re special or that I’m stupid. It’s just me, this is how my heart and my brain work. Whatever I give is genuine, least food. I like food and I will not share :))))
My point is that sometimes I look at people and inside my head my little dwarfs inceasingly working, stop, take a break, have a Kit Kat, and think to themselves “Man, this is a fuckin potato pretending to be a kiwi!”. This is the extent some people reach, without knowing that when you’re hungry a potato is so much more fulfiling. I am looking for potatoes, for those people I really need in my life, for those people who’ll satisfy my french fries cravings. A potato is wonderful. Fattening, but again, freakin’ wonderful. Because, giving credit to some quotes, “Everything we like is fattening, illegal or doesn’t text back”.
Man I could blab tonight, and you know how I do it? I just build this amphitheatre in my head where I place all of you, and I just start speaking loud and clear. My “favourites” get the front row. And I’m a fun host, you have to admit it.
Should I quote tonight? I already did but I want something deeper.
My dark side, my shadow, my lower companion is now in the back room blowing up balloons for kids’ parties. Gary Busey
It’s all love and late night writing shenanigans. Bye now!