Writer’s unblock

I am one of those people who believe they are good at everything. Haha, I know, I can be an infatuated asshole. As though I’m good at a lot of things, obviously I’m not good at everything. For a long time I struggle to find out what I like the most. What I really want to do in life, and man, that turns out to be a headache.

I believe so much in myself that I can even imagine myself a ballerina, but yeah, that’s really too late. I took a make up course while in Romania and I even have an internationally acredited diploma to certify that. I think I left it England where I used to be a babysitter. Then I went to Greece and worked my way up as a waitress in the VIP restaurant.

I, then came to Dubai and struggled from waitress in a horrendous place to hostess in a fine dining restaurant. From there i transitioned to a real estate company where I was initially a receptionist turned Short Term Rentals in charge and the Marketing Coordinator. Oh, I forgot to tell you that in Romania I was working in construction companies.

My background is Economics, but there is no relation between us whatsoever. I am literally sickened by my years in university and even though I barely missed a day of highschool, I skipped half of university time. I was also working during university, so yeah, I started to enjoy work more than economics. But some of the things I learned there stayed with me and, let’s say, gave me some knowledge about certain situations. If I look back is not really Economics that I hated but other courses. Techology of Communication, that I gloriuosly failed three times, is one of them, and it actually convinced me that I don’t need a diploma. And I’m diplomless let’s say.

Oh, and I worked for a local newspaper for about six months. That was probably something I enjoyed the most in my life.

Over the years, even though I’m more unstable than Elizabeth Taylor when it comes choosing a path, I realized that there is something that never left my side. Writing. I used to write when I was young(er) and then, even though I took long breaks, I continued. I am writing quite a lot these days, as you can see.

Few years ago I enrolled in British College of Journalism and got my accreditation. I am a Freelance Journalist with diploma and Press Pass. Now, this is something I should work on. Yeah, it looks that I talk to myself.

I don’t know if I’m that talented, but one of my dreams is to publish something. But then again, I don’t know where to start, as I am split between monologues, simple absurdities and sometimes free verses. Ah, you must also know that I hate free verses, but as I am a person who most of the times does the exact opposite of what they preach, here I am madly in love with free verses. Why I love perfect rhyme? Because I have OCD. I think free verse is a way of fighting it.

Most of the times I’m shy to post what I write. Yeah it might sound shocking but it’s true. In time, though, I became bolder and even though I forgot a lot of it, I decided to start a blong in English, for a bigger audience. I started to write quite a lot these days because, as everything else, writing needs practice too. And I also want to observe the response.

What I noticed is that my saddest posts are the most successful. Noticeably more likes and more views than any other topics I approach. I don’t know if people are more susceptible to this kind of posts or they just appreciate the fact that you pour your heart out. Don’t know, I’m experimenting.

Posts about love are also top of the list. When it comes to love, it’s tricky. Most of the times I embellish it, I twist it.

Abyway, I have a new little something to work on and it makes happy at the moment. As I said befor, one of my burning wishes is to be published.

And I’ll find somebody to proofcheck my posts.

It’s all love and after work writing shenanigans. Peace!

Stand up Material

Life is weird, man. First of all we get born… out of a weird place. I mean ok you can’t vomit a baby but there are other ways. Like the delivery bird we are told about when we’re still too young to understand anatomy properly. Oh, you don’t know about it? Is it just us? Oh…

And we’re born so helpless. We need 6 months to start eating food and almost a year to start walking. We’re actually helpless until we reach 16 or 17 years of age. I know older people who are still helpless but anyway.

And then we have no power of choice until we’re major or legal (as if our existence til then is illegal or forbidden), eighteen years old or in some countries twenty one. I mean, the hell with that, you need to chill. In my country they put babies to sleep with vodka, what’s so wrong if they drink at 18. Hahaha I hope you’re laughing. I didn’t mean that. It’s not true. They use drugs. Oh shit, joking again. Too much? Ok, I’ll knock it off.

It’s been a while since I let the clown out.

Then we’re majors and then the real shit begins. Here we are making poor life decisions, not drinking enough water, stressing about making money, not making money, spending money, saving money, anything money.

Then we fall in love, another tragedy. Ok, we fall in love earlier but I don’t consider that true love, that’s just teenage fever. So, we fall in love and there’s more shit to deal with. And then we’re all about he/she loves me, am I attractive enough, should I be an asshole, should I shave my chest, should I skip shaving my legs tonight, am I sagging, is he sagging???, am I fat? please tell me truth! no, don’t tell me the truth, you animal!, I didn’t cum, it was too fast, is he thinking about somebody else, are we making enough money to have a future, money, anything money, love, break-ups, etc.

Break ups yes. We stress about break ups so much, that we become introverts, damaged, assholes, again assholes, more assholes, etc.

Then we struggle with depression, low self esteem, adult acne, ingrown hair… oh shit, is that just me? Anyway, from the small helpless lambs we were, we just left our families to see the world and become some walking trainwrecks.

You live and you become a bag of issues, a walking case study. We evolve. (mocking tone, like when you change your voice to be pompous and with a low bass).

Ok we have nice moments, yey! we enjoy picnics, parties, friends, pets, family reunions, marriage, sex, new family, kids, spending time without kids, travelling, pancakes (mmm I just gave myself a late night craving), new house, new car, getting alive form an accident, you know things like this, closing a credit card, buying a fancy dishwasher. We enjoy them, only to go back to being wrecked, to worry about making money and how many calories are in those damn pancakes!! SO UNFAIR (the pancakes part).

The we, let’s say, settle. We have our family, our kids, our dog that ruins the landscaped garden, we make let’s say enough money but freaking schools are so expensive, we afford to spend quality time and travel from time to time and so on. Let’s say life it’s good and everybody will reach there sooner or later.

But your health is already damaged, you worked like a dog to make money and you neglected a lot of aspects in your life and then Boom one day, Alzheimer’s! Tourrette’s! Or just menopause. You’re old and sometimes so unlucky that you won’t even remember the life you lived.

Ironic. Don’t you think? (Alanis Morisette in the background. I just made you sing that for the next couple of hours).

And then you get older, give all the money you saved for yourself, to your kids and to their kids, and then they put you in an asylum, because you’re a burden and life nowdays is too busy to allow them to take care of you.

You take your sagging self to the asylum and then bye-bye life. Thanks god we don’t get out from the same way we came from. Phew!

But even this is a bit weird. I mean we get burried, burned, embalmed, etc. I mean, why can’t we just evaporate. Less headache for all the people around us, for the environment, etc. Why we have to exit so dramatically from this world that cosnumed us. People crying their eyes off, the coffin is lowered in the ground (or your burned remains are scattered in the wind, depending on how brave you were in your will) and everything is black, together with the priest seeing your way out. I mean it’s a whole plot, a stage, costumes, a theme, etc. We get out of this world in the most dramatic way.

Why can’t we just evaporate. “Ah, you know, we didn’t even see him gone. When we reached it was just a dew on the furniture”. Boom! Simple! Effective! Eco!

I hope somebody makes this a stand-up. Enough with the shenanigans.

It’s all love and clowning around tonight! Peace up! A town!

 

Everything random

I think I came a long way. I think I also lost a lot of things along the way.

I am a bit hot-headed. I rush into things, I don’t really calculate anything and I can’t say I really learn from my mistakes, but I managed to tame myself in time. Small progress is a progress too. I think I’m really bad at quotes also.

But that’s the beauty of any of us. The small things that define us, that give us personality. Th mix of all our traits. I’m also never happy with, mostly, everything I do. Rarely I’m satisfied 100% with something I do, and sometimes when I’m happy with what I do turns out is shit for others :))) but then again it’s a matter of perspective.

To be honest if it was for me I will never publish anything I write here. I rarely correct what I write and when I do, I change half of what I initially wrote. If it was for me nothing it’s good enough, but strangely, when I read what I’m writing I feel it’s not that bad. I think I need time to process my actions.

I also hate that people can never understand what’s really happening with you. People don’t cut you any slack. It’s like we are judging machines, we don’t know how to give anybody a slice of understanding. I try to put myself in somebody’s shoes, and rarely I’ll go full on criticizing somebody.

What I hate the most is jealousy. It’s the worst when it comes to anything. It’s a waste of time and energy. It’s pure negativity. It’s worse when it comes from close people. From mature people.

I also hate when people act ridiculous, when they mock and mimic like children in kindergarden. I mean you’re a grown up, you must’ve learned by now that you can’t be childishly mean. It doesn’t suit you anymore. You have a life now, you’re a grown up, you have family, you’re reaching a certain level and still you’re bothered with other people’s life. Not to mention that, mostly, the people who are pointing a finger are the ones with a lot of sins of their own.

I mean, why you’re bothered so much. Is life that boring at a certain stage? Highschool was fine, we were excited by the least important gossip, and even back then we would’t believe what was rumored, it was just fun. Now it’s just mean and silly. No, this can’t be a vision of the future.

What I also hate is that people will never understand what’s really going on between two people. They see a picture from the outside and they alter it as they like. Why? What’s your satisfaction in this. You feel less bored? You consider this a topic worth discussing? Sad, sad, sad. Mind your own business, simple as that.

I also don’t understand how people throw to the wolves the people who really give a shit about them. I mean, fuck it, you throw some shade on the people who really cared about your sorry ass. You turn the attention from your incapable self to your friends, putting them in a very bad light as an amusement. For what? To heal your self-esteem? To pretend that other people are bad when you are the one to blame for everything.

You see, karma is around the corner, and nobody escapes. It’s a step away. The weird thing is that people are into BDSM, and they always want more punishment. As you like.

I watched 6 movies in the last 24 hours. One must rightly assume that I’m bored. Haha I am. I am also drained sometimes. I am tired. I always try to give my best but sometimes I fail. Big time. Big time man!

I came a long way and I need to thank some people for making me stronger. For making me see the difference between a small thing and how much I should invest in it, and what’s really important. There are people who are telling you the truth and they also tell you to look in the mirror and see a lion. That’s damn right! Dont’t visualise a sheep, but a lion.

Strong people have their weaknesses but they try to make others feel that everything is under control. And it is, if you look at it without fear.

Anyway, I’m so random today. It’s like a small summary of brain and heart and a small corner of universe.

Am I happy? No matter what, I am. With my flaws, with the things I miss in my life, with the things i wish for and I don’t get, with everything. Am I mean? Rarely. I am more of a preacher. But then again, we have a saying “do what the priest says, not what he does”. I went bonkers with my quotes again :)))))

It’s all love and Friday evening writing shenanigans. Peace!

Let’s not call it a book review

See, I don’t really read motivational books. Or raising self-esteem books. Or personality books. Self-help, money making, career ascending and so on. Not because I’m too good for that, but because I don’t believe in an international recipe for… basically anything.

And the second thing I don’t like it’s the tone of these books. It sounds like it’s enlightened and shit. And I don’t think it’s the case.

First of all, nobody found the key to a perfect life, or succes or to becoming a money making machine  by reading a motivational book. But through hard word and perseverence and so on. We all know the drill.

Recently, I read a book about how many fucks to give, basically. The subtle art of giving them. Ok, I guess we all know by now the name of the book.

The subtle art of not giving a f*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living the Good Life by Mark Manson. Why I bought it? Because it’s orange as fuck and it has a catchy title. Perfect marketing right there. And also because I was interested on learning how to give less fucks. In time I taught myself how to reduce the amount of fucks I give, but then again, you know, it doesn’t kill to know more, to learn more.

I started reading it. Catchy intro, basically something you need to hear. A few good examples also. Some do’s and don’ts. Good lecture. For a while. See, this is what I don’t enjoy when it comes to a book, no matter what genre. The stalling. It starts so good and then it stalls.

Examples become a bit irrelevant, words become a bit too twisted and boom there you are. You are about to not give a fuck about this book. And to be honest the book is a bit too american-ish for my taste.

Anyway, I am not here to claim that I’m better at anything, I’m just sharing some impressions. If I would write a book of this keen I will just base it solely on my experience and make it clear that it’s my personal shit and I learned so and so from it. If other people relate to it, even better. If they learn something, great! But I don’t expect everybody to feel the same about it. Anyway, I’m drifting away.

That’s why these books seem a little herd-ish. I mean, we should be able to learn how to help/motivate/improve ourselves by experiencing practical things. Theory works for a while it’s true, at least to give us an impulse, but practice is the base of everything.

I think less ignorance will also help a lot. And to be honest, no, it’s not trendy to be a sheep. Be you. Be your own damn self. Some things might work for you or they might not. You may feel strong today and weak as fuck tomorrow. It’s ok. Don’t stress about it. Move on. I think we all have the ability to give less fucks if we put our mind into it.

And so, I resumed the book. Basically this is the idea but it’s more elaborated in term of what and when to give a shining fuck. It’s a good read, I’m not trying here to undermine it. I just share what I felt.

I am not a hater or anything, I recommend self-improvment and especially reading. Not matter if it’s motivational books or other kind. Reading is always good. It stimulates, it keeps you alert, it keeps you open minded.

I admit I read some really cheesy and tearful motivational books at some point in my life. They helped, to be honest. They made me feel better, I admit, because they were about people drowning in more shit than I did, or about how kindness can change somebody’s life. Ok ok, it was just one book, I admit: “Chicken Soup for the Soul”, another international best seller. I can’t review it. I will look like a villain.

So, yeah, I’m just here, behind my screen, a blogger/writer wannabe, talking about a bestseller. But then again, it’s my cybercorner.

It’s all love and daytime smartass writing shenanigans. Peace!

You have to be Don Quixote to fight the wind mills

It’s ok to try, it’s ok to hope but don’t waste your happiness on somebody who wants to be miserable. It’s ok to care, there’s nothing wrong with that, but some people just take advantage, they feel they have some sort of power over you. They only have that power because you let them and they are way too selfish to admit it. They think they caught you under their spell and they can do whatever they please.

It’s hard when that spell breaks, isn’t it?

But people who are just trying to catch others in their twisted traps, are nothing but tyrans. Don’t bring your happiness next to them because they’ll crush it. Instead of getting better they’ll make you worse, they’ll drain you. There’s no point fighting when there’s a web covering their thinking. These people will suck the last drop of affection from you because they can never get enough, they don’t feel secure enough, and just like vampires they need fresh blood.

Just forgive them and move on. It’s not that you are not good nough… maybe you’re too good. You did nothing wrong anyway. You just tried. You didn’t succeed because you didn’t know or you didn’t want, but because you were sabotaged, you weren’t given a real chance so there’s no point to look back.

As I always say and believe, there’s nothing wrong in giving, feeling or trying. No matter what the circumstances are. But don’t go that far to lose yourself for somebody else. Been there, done that before. Lesson learned.

The worst part is when you look at them as they are, and you like them just like that, plain and simple, and all they do is trying to be somebody else. They know you know them and they just keep on hiding themselves because they’re weak. And lonely.

Better be lonely on yourself than next to somebody. That’s the worst type of loneliness. When they’re next to you but galaxies away. Because that’s their choice. It’s weird that they know what food you don’t like and what’s your favourite number and then they just pretend you’re still nothing.

And one day you don’t answer. One day you just don’t care anymore and then everyhting changes. In their ego they never thought you’ll be strong enough to turn your back. They never thought their game is not good enough. How? It usually works, right?

And then they just spend their days wondering what they did wrong? What happened? Why such a sudden change? Without knowing how many times you felt exactly the same. Anyway they’ll never admit it, they’ll never fight for you, they’ll never let their real self out. They’ll avoid you because you hurt their pride and there’ no cure for that.

Anyway, just forgive and move on. Mind your own business, be your own self just as before because nobody in this life will ever know what’s in your heart and anyway they have no power to mend it. Don’t waste your time in situations like this just to become a bitter and damaged human being. There’s more to life than playing stupid games.

Be true to yourself and to others, you’re not going to live forever. Solitude is not forever, nothing is forever. But as long as you live do it in harmony, have fun, do what pleases you. We worry too much for temporary things. And always make sure you’re wanted, don’t waste your time fighting wind mills.

Know your worth and spread love, people! Love is all we need, to quote The Beatles.

It’s all love and evening writing shenanigans. Peace!

Read the footnotes

“The things she’s seen. The places she’s been. The people she’s met. She’s filthy rich. There’s nothing material you can give that will satisfy her more than moments. Give her joy and give her your time and she’ll never want anything else. She’s what you see, she’s just like that. Existing without any tricks. Ah there’s one trick. She has too much to give.

She likes long rides and black coffee. She likes unplanned things and late nights. She likes to talk and dance. She is warm and brave. She’s a brave girl and she learns fast. She learns from everything and everybody. She loves her time alone but she never refuses good company. If she makes mistakes she’s sorry. If she goes too far she’ll drag you with her.

She has a vicious side, it’s true but she turns it into something natural. She’ll tell you to go for it if you want it. That’s her answer to everything.

What does she want? Haha, many things but she settles for whatever you like.

She can piss you of with her presence sometimes, or with exuberant good mood. But her heart is in the right place. She can be a pain in the ass but you’ll get used to it.

She likes to lay and do nothing for a long time and sometimes she finds no peace in anything. She’s moody but everything turns into a good vibe most of the times. Some people try to make her strong and even though she is grateful to those people, she’s not afraid of her soft side. She’ll show you, even if you don’t ask for it. Stubborn as fuck sometimes and she’ll go under your skin to get things done. Sneaky sometimes, but always with good humor.

She’s loyal to people and if you’ve ever been good to her she’ll never turn against you. Even if you hurt her. She’ll defend what she cares about. She’ll always find good in everything. She looks up to some people. Especially people who showed her a different dimension of things. Mentors, stronger personalities or just different characters. She’ll always be fond of these people.

She’s silly sometimes and makes stupid mistakes and even though she’s ashamed to admit them, give her some time. She’ll come back and she’ll joke about them because she doesn’t want to take mistakes seriously.

Always give her time to come to her senses. She can understand everything. She has an excuse for everybody, not only for herself. She walks straight and laughs loud, she exaggerates and she burns but this is who she is. And if you don’t want to change don’t try to change her either.

She’s an asset when she’s motivated and she hates routine. She want to get involved and to have a word to say, but she’ll obey if required. She can be disciplined. She needs to be disciplined sometimes (ambiguous).

She is the life of the party and in the middle of things. It might be tiring sometimes. But sometimes she’s lazy as fuck. She can easily fall into a comfort zone. You need to be somebody very special to get her out of her bed after a long day when all she wants is to rest.

She gets excited easily but she’ll forget about it fast if it’s not something that she really wants. She can put a lot of effort for the greater good but she needs recognition. She has after all an ego and a fetish for herself. Just like everybody else. (Yes she can twist it up just like that).

Everything depends on either she wants it or not. You’ll see the difference in the results. You’ll know when she’s motivated and when she did it because she had to. If she did you wrong she’ll fix it, she’ll try at least. Give her the chance, she never meant it in the first place.

She’ll forgive everything and you’ll hear the weirdest excuses for people who don’t even deserve a glass of water. But she’ll not defend somebody who’s mean on purpose, or at least without a reason.

She’ll fill people’s heads with romance and bullshit and she’s this silly believer that the world is not on the verge of destruction. At least, not while she’s alive.

She came a long way and she has a long way to go. You’re not the only one who thinks there’s a greater purpose for their existence. When she wishes and when she hopes for others she does it with all her heart. If only she could do this for herself.

She’ll give you a fair battle because she knows there are no shortcuts or cheats. Even though patience is not her strongest asset. But at least you can shake hands with her at the end. It was a good game, no doubt about it. It will be remembered. She will be remembered.

Give her the benefit of doubt as she gives it to others. She deserves it.

She will never really give up, so don’t push her to do it. Some people know she’ll never be herself again around them if they pull the wrong string. Not that she’ll not forgive. She will. But it will never be the same again because she can’t pretend.

Give her herself and that’s all you need. Ah! and food.”

It’s all love and late night writing shenanigans. Peace!